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How many marriedmo's hide money from their spouse?

It seems like a lot of my married friends do this, and I don...
rachmiel
  10/12/17
Wouldn't you be worried about dying and your wife not gettin...
The Meanest Bannon
  10/12/17
It's not about divorce. It's about independence, and freedo...
rachmiel
  10/12/17
Marriage =/ Independence, unless you are "well-off"...
unfortunate lack of respect for the NFL
  10/12/17
Right, and you generally have to see eye to eye. If someone...
The Meanest Bannon
  10/12/17
Oh, my wife doesn't give me crap over most things and in tur...
The Meanest Bannon
  10/12/17
This is what me and my wife do, too. Neither of us is a big ...
Madison Twatter
  10/12/17
We're moderate spenders but that applies to both of us. We ...
The Meanest Bannon
  10/12/17
Same here. This only works if your wife isn't dumb, though.
Jim_Kelly
  10/12/17
I'm going to say this right now - if your wife is dumb and t...
The Meanest Bannon
  10/12/17
I dont hide shit. I wouldn't marry someone I'd feel the need...
unfortunate lack of respect for the NFL
  10/12/17
Fuckin lol'ing at xo's inability to form even one trusting, ...
Jean Jacques Jingleheimerdood
  10/12/17
It's not about trust, it's about the tendency of other peopl...
rachmiel
  10/12/17
That is entirely about trust.
Jean Jacques Jingleheimerdood
  10/12/17
Nah, I see Rach's point. There are two issues with joint fi...
The Meanest Bannon
  10/12/17
isn't control just a subset of trust you control people y...
Madison Twatter
  10/12/17
I agree that they're related, but they're still separate con...
The Meanest Bannon
  10/12/17
I think it's closer to what TMF said above. Different philo...
rachmiel
  10/12/17
Maybe we define trust differently. I trust my wife not to bl...
Jean Jacques Jingleheimerdood
  10/12/17
We don't have formal timeframes, but I'd say it comes up eve...
The Meanest Bannon
  10/12/17
yeah I've poasted about this before. I schedule yearly form...
Jean Jacques Jingleheimerdood
  10/12/17
I will say that mint.com is invaluable for this.
The Meanest Bannon
  10/12/17
Lol at the notion of your spouse's assets as "other peo...
nutella
  10/12/17
Suddenly all of the game theory and evolutionary studies abo...
rachmiel
  10/12/17
I never said all people achieve this in marriage or only peo...
nutella
  10/12/17
That's great and all, but not practical. Say your spouse co...
The Meanest Bannon
  10/12/17
...
coherently explaining Inland Empire to a stranger
  10/12/17
Why on earth would you ever marry someone you couldnt trust ...
coherently explaining Inland Empire to a stranger
  10/12/17
I have an old credit card that I use to buy booze mostly.
.,,,.,..,.,.,:,.::,,...,::,...,:,.,..:.,:.::,.
  10/12/17
Fuck yes
Patriots elected Trump, Randy
  10/12/17
...
,.,..,.,,.,..,.,,.,..,.,
  10/12/17


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Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2017 11:36 AM
Author: rachmiel

It seems like a lot of my married friends do this, and I don't blame them. I'd never let my wife know what I have.

This is another good reason to hold some crypto.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3761918&forum_id=2#34424782)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2017 11:42 AM
Author: The Meanest Bannon

Wouldn't you be worried about dying and your wife not getting the assets?

I don't hide assets from my wife. My bigger issue is that she doesn't want to use the password manager I use to access all my accounts, which means she can't actually access anything. If I kick the bucket it is going to be a real problem. One of these days I'm at least going to list out all the accounts for her.

Note: I don't think the probability of divorce is very high for us.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3761918&forum_id=2#34424825)



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Date: October 12th, 2017 11:44 AM
Author: rachmiel

It's not about divorce. It's about independence, and freedom from having to spend your savings on stupid things she wants instead of on yourself.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3761918&forum_id=2#34424846)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2017 11:45 AM
Author: unfortunate lack of respect for the NFL

Marriage =/ Independence, unless you are "well-off" enough to both do what you like and frugal enough not to over do it.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3761918&forum_id=2#34424859)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2017 11:50 AM
Author: The Meanest Bannon

Right, and you generally have to see eye to eye. If someone is a big saver and the other is a big spender, then you're going to have friction basically no matter what if you have joint accounts.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3761918&forum_id=2#34424900)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2017 11:49 AM
Author: The Meanest Bannon

Oh, my wife doesn't give me crap over most things and in turn I don't give her crap either. I give her periodic updates on where we are in terms of finances and we consult each other on major purchases/investments. It has worked for us for a really long time.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3761918&forum_id=2#34424895)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2017 12:12 PM
Author: Madison Twatter (playing with gay dog boners since 2013)

This is what me and my wife do, too. Neither of us is a big spender, and we live well below ARE means. For instance, my current car is 8yo, and my previous car I drove until it was 15yo.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3761918&forum_id=2#34425115)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2017 12:25 PM
Author: The Meanest Bannon

We're moderate spenders but that applies to both of us. We also both look for deals on shit we buy.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3761918&forum_id=2#34425263)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2017 12:14 PM
Author: Jim_Kelly

Same here. This only works if your wife isn't dumb, though.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3761918&forum_id=2#34425132)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2017 12:25 PM
Author: The Meanest Bannon

I'm going to say this right now - if your wife is dumb and the sort where this is unworkable then there's a huge chance you will get divorced no matter what.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3761918&forum_id=2#34425255)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2017 11:43 AM
Author: unfortunate lack of respect for the NFL

I dont hide shit. I wouldn't marry someone I'd feel the need to hide money from. Then again, I've been married for 10+ years, maybe I'm just lucky.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3761918&forum_id=2#34424842)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2017 11:47 AM
Author: Jean Jacques Jingleheimerdood (his name is my name)

Fuckin lol'ing at xo's inability to form even one trusting, loving relationship. Who the fuck are these women you're marrying? Jfc do one thing right in your life and marry someone you can trust. Fuck's sake.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3761918&forum_id=2#34424871)



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Date: October 12th, 2017 11:49 AM
Author: rachmiel

It's not about trust, it's about the tendency of other people to want to use your resources when they know they exist. When they don't know they exist, you can't be expected to spend it.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3761918&forum_id=2#34424891)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2017 11:50 AM
Author: Jean Jacques Jingleheimerdood (his name is my name)

That is entirely about trust.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3761918&forum_id=2#34424904)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2017 11:53 AM
Author: The Meanest Bannon

Nah, I see Rach's point. There are two issues with joint finances where one person contributes more than the other:

1. The person contributing less rips you off and takes your contributions and runs (the trust issue);

2. The person contributing less controls what you do with your contributions and essentially controls what you do with money you earn (the control issue).



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3761918&forum_id=2#34424924)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2017 12:13 PM
Author: Madison Twatter (playing with gay dog boners since 2013)

isn't control just a subset of trust

you control people you don't trust to do what you approve of absent your control

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3761918&forum_id=2#34425120)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2017 12:37 PM
Author: The Meanest Bannon

I agree that they're related, but they're still separate concerns.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3761918&forum_id=2#34425378)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2017 11:55 AM
Author: rachmiel

I think it's closer to what TMF said above. Different philosophies about savings. I just tend to think it's human nature to see other people's resources as more expendable than your own.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3761918&forum_id=2#34424941)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2017 11:58 AM
Author: Jean Jacques Jingleheimerdood (his name is my name)

Maybe we define trust differently. I trust my wife not to blow too much money on too much stupid shit. She trusts me too do the same. We had similar philosophies when we got married and trust each other not to deviate too far from that philosophy. I do the same thing as fish, holding annual summits on savings and goal setting. Our joint commitment to that is part of the trust we share.

Edit: we don't view the other's contributions as someone else's resources. That's nuts to me. Everything is shared. TBF my wife makes good money, almost as much as me.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3761918&forum_id=2#34424986)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2017 12:01 PM
Author: The Meanest Bannon

We don't have formal timeframes, but I'd say it comes up every few months. We're looking at a new house and considering kids, so staying "on track" is of greater significance now than most times. Before that it came up probably once a year.

I will say that my wife is mostly surprised that we do as well as we do.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3761918&forum_id=2#34425012)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2017 12:03 PM
Author: Jean Jacques Jingleheimerdood (his name is my name)

yeah I've poasted about this before. I schedule yearly formal meetings, and we have serious talks intermittently as needed.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3761918&forum_id=2#34425027)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2017 12:05 PM
Author: The Meanest Bannon

I will say that mint.com is invaluable for this.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3761918&forum_id=2#34425046)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2017 12:10 PM
Author: nutella

Lol at the notion of your spouse's assets as "other people's resources." If you don't see yourself and your spouse as one unit such that spending your spouse's money is the same as spending your own and your money being the same as your spouse's money, then you have no business getting married.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3761918&forum_id=2#34425093)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2017 12:17 PM
Author: rachmiel

Suddenly all of the game theory and evolutionary studies about men and women's mating choices and motivations are forgotten in this thread. We are idealists now and everything is about love and soulmates. Come on.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3761918&forum_id=2#34425155)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2017 12:23 PM
Author: nutella

I never said all people achieve this in marriage or only people with shared values get married. That's why money is the #1 reason for divorce. But out of the married couples I know, vast majority of them still try to make it work and don't do shit like hide finances from each other, even if they're not in great marriages for othe reasons. Doing otherwise basically means you're getting ready for divorce.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3761918&forum_id=2#34425233)



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Date: October 12th, 2017 12:36 PM
Author: The Meanest Bannon

That's great and all, but not practical. Say your spouse comes home tomorrow and says "well, I've decided not to work anymore. I'll just live off what you earn. I've decided we have enough money for me to play video games all day. By the way, I want a new $5k gaming laptop and a nicer car. I looked at our bank account and we can afford it, we just have to drain savings."

Contributions matter. If my wife was making 2x what I made, yeah, that would influence how I viewed our joint bank account and it would influence my purchases. Actually, this happened for a time and it did. And people rarely contribute equivalently. Similarly, people pretty much never spend equivalently either.

As long as everyone is seeing eye to eye then there's no problem, but notion that in marriage you cease to be an individual and that this doesn't relate to finances is just absurd.

I do agree that if you have to resort to hiding assets so your spouse doesn't fuck everything up then there's a major issue.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3761918&forum_id=2#34425367)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2017 1:39 PM
Author: coherently explaining Inland Empire to a stranger



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3761918&forum_id=2#34425825)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2017 12:28 PM
Author: coherently explaining Inland Empire to a stranger

Why on earth would you ever marry someone you couldnt trust 100%? Stay single instead ffs

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3761918&forum_id=2#34425309)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2017 12:32 PM
Author: .,,,.,..,.,.,:,.::,,...,::,...,:,.,..:.,:.::,.


I have an old credit card that I use to buy booze mostly.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3761918&forum_id=2#34425342)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2017 12:43 PM
Author: Patriots elected Trump, Randy

Fuck yes

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3761918&forum_id=2#34425425)



Reply Favorite

Date: October 12th, 2017 12:56 PM
Author: ,.,..,.,,.,..,.,,.,..,.,



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3761918&forum_id=2#34425531)